Scotland's Security Service
The suggestion that an independent Scotland would have its own security service really does raise a smile.
After all, isn't one of the arguments advanced in favour of the division of Scotland from the Union that Scots are really friendly people who all get along together very well, jollily singing 'A Man's A Man For A' That' with a heuch and a teuch and a twiddle o' the fiddle o (insert whoops where appropriate) at each other all day long? What possible internal threats to state security could ever come from a people which has produced such famously amiable football fans as the Tartan Army?
The SSS would surely therefore be the world's friendliest secret police, ensuring that you eat the correct number of neeps with your haggis and, inevitably failing to see the woad for the trees, can recite Mel Gibson's 'Never Take Our Freedom' speech from 'Braveheart', perhaps even in an anatomically correct manner. Being throughly bourgeois, they will also be the only secret policemen in the world capable of smelling a rat and a good single malt in the same breath.
With this announcement, the soi-disant, ersatz 'Scottish Government' has put the Scottish people on notice that any government of an independent Scotland will surely treat them with as much suspicion as any British government has. And this is supposed to make independence attractive?